it’s not a problem, it’s a hobby

D: I am hoarding this Sephora gel stain. I fear they will discontinue it. Please tell me you’re hoarding things too.
(Um also: those thin Uniqlo heat-tech knee socks in all the shades of grey. They are the best things.)

A Lady: Oh yes. I hoard spices I'll never use. So much saffron.


A Lady: EXACTLY. One never knows.
Mostly I hoard vintage clothes.

D: Silk scarves.

A Lady: Ooh, yes.

D: Nivea lip balm sticks.

A Lady: Yes! I still have all this shit I never wear. And flannel sheets I don't need any longer.

D: Inexplicably: pearl necklaces. I own four. I wear zero.

A Lady: ME TOO. I even have a long grey pearl necklace. I never, ever wear it. Pearls just look wrong on me.

D: Basically we hoard pretty/tasty things.

A Lady: Even though we never ever ever use them.

D: If we have to play dress-up post-apocalype, we are SET.

A Lady: You know, some people would actually use all this crap.

D: Maybe. Then again, those people probably hoard practical things like batteries, flashlights, uh.... hand-cranked radios? The emergency survivalist things?

A Lady: Meh. Unnecessary, all of them. This is what sparkly jewelry is for!

D: Yes. If it's shiny enough, it can be used as a light source.

A Lady: No batteries required.

D: I also have a huge shelf of pickled vegetables, so in the event of total worldwide calamity, I can garnish my bloody mary while the world burns.

A Lady: We are so ready. We're intentional hoarders, ergo, it's not a disease.

D: Clearly our priorities are correct.

A Lady: Oh, we should totally hoard some smoked oysters or something, too, or else the hangover will be terrible.

D: Smoked oysters and white cheddar cheez-its!

A Lady: Ooh and reduced fat (read: saltier) wheat thins!

D: I love that shit.


D: Perhaps we should just invest in a salt lick.

A Lady: And baked cheetos!
(Oh god, I'm going to die so young.)

D: OMFG yes baked cheetos YES.
(Die young, leave a good-looking corpse)

A Lady: All the preservatives will preserve me too?

D: Well, if we self-embalm ourselves with salt and booze....

A Lady: Exactly.

D: It's scientifically sound.



Current reading lists

D: Let's see. Reading The Anthology of Rap, the whole Sherlock Holmes collection, The Club Dumas, and just finished The Pale King.

A Lady: I need to re-read Anthony Easthope's Poetry as Discourse.

D: ...

A Lady: Still in school. Forever in school.