D: Inexplicable hatreds: I have many.
A Lady: Hmm, apparently so.
I can't stand kitten heels.
D: I went through a kitten-heel phase in... 2003? It lasted all of three months. I think I do currently have two pairs of 2 ½" heels, but those are more sandal-y type things. Like, breezy summer shoes. Not kitten heels.
A Lady: Precisely. Low heels are not kitten heels. Kitten heels are ½” to 1 ½”. The itty bitty ones.
D: I feel like anything under 3" is teeny, but I also realize that's just my brain.
A Lady: I mean, I don't mind a small stacked heel; it's the little half-ass dinky heel that gets me.
D: Mmmhmm. The kitten heel is like "oh, I am an amateur."
A Lady: Oh! and strappy strappy shoes: the thin straps, not big ones.
D: The ones that look like they're made of licorice whips. Yes. Or rather, nooooo.
A Lady: Exactly.
D: Something about those just screams 1998 to me. SENIOR PROM SEXY SANDALS! CLASS OF 1998!
A Lady: Shoes will date you, people. And movies. They'll date movies.
"Those Crocs! 2007."
D: DON'T YOU DARE. Crocs suggest no time period. They suggest blindness.
A Lady: "Those little embroidered net flats! Most major cities circa 2003!"
D: Ha, yes. My japflaps were totally a 2003 purchase.
A Lady: I'll insist, though, that certain silhouettes are classic.
The straight knee-high boot with a stacked heel.
D: A shift dress.
A Lady: A pencil skirt.
D: A full knee-length skirt, with a close-fitting top. (Do I wear that silhouette? No, because I have no waist. Thus, shift dress.)
A Lady: A white tailored menswear shirt. Similarly forgiving, more breezy.
D: Let's not assume I can wear a white shirt without being clumsy in the vicinity of coffee or red wine or something equally staining, L. Keep your expectations reasonable.
Oh, kitten heels are just awful. It's like taking any potential downfall of heels (slightly changed balance center, potential joint issues) without any of the glorious benefits (longer, more toned legs, LOOKING FANTASTIC). Ugh, kitten heels! You serve no point!
ReplyDeleteThose weird tiny-heeled shoes that are basically just skimmers with a nail punched in the back? Those aren't kitten heels to me. The pointy-toed shoes with a thin 2-1/2" heel similar to the crocodile shoes Holly Golightly can't find when she needs to go to Sing Sing? Those are kitten heels to me. And, as with everything Audrey Hepburn has pretty much ever worn, are timeless.
ReplyDeleteBut I'd rather see 100 pairs of 2004-era low-heeled skimmers than another pair of those godawful Jessica Simpson/Minnie Mouse-style platform pumps. Those look like horse hooves to me.