Backstory: IM from D, received two nights previously. "Upside of last night: got the digits of a hella hella cute butch at the bar. Downside: when she mentioned that she lives in an "intentional community."
A Lady: Good morning! Questions: 1. Why don’t I have a horse? 2. Why am I not a supermodel?
D: Mooooooooooooorning. Oh god so tired.
Anyway, guess who texts me last night when I get home? MS. INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY, THAT'S WHO. I have no interest in your hippie intentions, lady. None. It's a short hop from "intentional community" to "becoming a freegan and wearing dreadlocks."
A Lady: Oh, come now. You said she's hot. This way you could keep the Dating Moratorium on and get a much-needed fix.
D: Dunno, let's not forget "intentional community." Oh my god, that's like lesbian hell: a hippie house full of ex-girlfriends. If she'd just kept that to herself last week, I'd be up on that like white on rice, but anyone who brings that up ON PURPOSE with someone they're trying to impress? There is something wroooooooong with that person.
A Lady: Yes, but at least there's never a shortage of conversation. These types are always very enthusiastic. You probably won't even have to say anything. Or listen.
D: Hmmmmmm. My standards, if not exactly low, are nothing if not situationally flexible. She is enthused about EVERYTHING, it's true. Which causes me to roll my eyes, but at least I can do that silently. Perhaps I will text her back tonight between spray-painting snakes gold and pickling grapes.
A Lady: Exactly. Lie back and think of England, as it were.
D: You are a bad influence. My favorite kind.
Now, what does one DO with a hot-but-hippie girl that is only a clear signal for Let's Go Hook Up and not Let's Converse and Have Feeeeeeeeelings?
A Lady: Bowling. Or whiskey.
D: Whiskey is always the answer, innit? When in doubt, delicious bourbon shall lead the way.
So as the counterpoint to the "Why aren't I a model? With a pony?" lifequest, I just saw this:
and IMMEDIATELY thought "I should play Isabella Blow, duh." Oh, former career path as an actor, how you pop up unexpectedly.
A Lady: Oh dude. You need to come to New York for next Halloween. You’ll be Issy Blow, I’ll be Lee McQueen.
Too soon?
D: Nooooooooooooo. Brilliant. So brilliant.
Issy Blow falls squarely into my Halloween Theme of always, always creating an elaborate headpiece for costumes. Win!
A Lady: Omgomg can we put on a Vicar of Dibley-inspired Christmas pageant? With three kings: Martin Luther, Billie Jean, and Stephen.
D: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
What about Nat King Cole?
A Lady: RODNEY.
D: YOU WIN.
Truly, why is no one paying us for thoughts like these?
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